December 13, 2021

I had to go to court today, and I saw my husband for the first time in two years, five months, and six days. Yes, I was very emotional and burst into tears when I saw him. What a blessing it was to see his face!

I want to tell you a few things about my husband, Jeff.

I was a foster parent of two little boys when I met Jeff. At the time I was hoping to adopt these boys as it didn't look like they would be able to return to their biological parents. As Jeff and I began to get to know each other Jeff quickly came to realize that the boys and I were a packaged deal. He surprised me when he told me that if our relationship progressed, he wanted to adopt the boys and be a father to them.

Before Jeff ever met these boys, he was mailing them birthday presents. He drove to Missouri not long after to meet everyone in person, and once again brought gifts for these little boys he had never met.

About a year later Jeff and I were married and moved to New Jersey. Jeff bought a house and worked two jobs: one full-time and the other part-time. He would leave the house around 6 am and get home close to midnight. With his salary he painted, carpeted, and furnished a bedroom for when the boys came to live with us.

We began working with social services in New Jersey to begin the process of transferring the boys' case to New Jersey. We had to take a class for several weeks on Jeff's day off, and when we finished the class, the instructor failed Jeff because he occasionally fell asleep during class (remember the hours he worked). Jeff responded graciously and re-enrolled to take the same class again. These classes took up the only days he had off to rest.

Jeff used his vacation time to plan a two week trip to visit the boys that summer. We drove to Missouri and spent an entire week with the boys doing fun activities we had planned. When I wanted to send the boys birthday and Christmas presents, Jeff was always supportive.

Social services of New Jersey finally got back to us with an answer regarding the transfer of the boys to New Jersey, and it was negative. The boys would not be moving to New Jersey. I was devastated and sobbing when Jeff looked at me and said, "Joy, we'll move to Missouri." I thought he was nuts. He had a job he had had for twelve plus years, he had a home, he had most of his family and friends nearby... None of that mattered as he was determined to move. He put in a transfer to Saint Louis, MO. The transfer went through and a month later we packed everything we could possibly squeeze into our two vehicles and moved across country with an eleven month old baby and our dog just so we could be parents to two boys.

Jeff never once complained as he packed up his life and moved not even knowing where we would live. He never complained as he worked hard to support two homes: one in New Jersey and one in Missouri. He never complained as we accumulated debt and our NJ home was foreclosed on as our expenses were so much more than our income.

When due to financial struggles I had to take a part-time job, Jeff jumped in and took care of our children when he could have been resting. Many times I would arrive home and he would have all our children in the kitchen preparing a meal together. Jeff loved spending time with his family.

Don't get me wrong. What we did to our children was wrong. We've acknowledged that, we've told the truth, and we have faced the consequences for our actions. But, as I heard the accusations and the innacurate comments about my husband's character from attorneys, case managers, and psychologist during this trial today my heart broke for him.

Jeff sat in court for over six hours and listened to all these statements. He never said a word.

So for the record I want you to know that my husband has a heart of gold. Yes, he made some bad decisions as did I, but those bad decisions do not define him as several attorneys portrayed.

Jeffrey Carns, if I had to choose, I would choose to do life with you all over again. I'm a better person because I've known you. You are one of the most loving and giving persons I know. You would give the shirt off your back if it would help someone, and no matter how tired you are, you give your time willingly when you are needed.

I couldn't be more proud of the way you handled this trial. Our children will be successful if they are even a little bit like their father. I am so honored to be your wife. I love you, Babe, now and forever, and I look forward to the rest of our lives together.



Popular Posts