It´s hard to believe that it has been 5 years since that fateful morning when our lives got turned upside down! Never could I have ever imagined that I would be having to hold my 17 week old baby boy for the first and only time just to have to bury him a few days later. That day I felt like my heart had been literally ripped out of my chest as I had to watch my little boy turn from red to blue as the life went out of him. The next days, weeks and even months I struggled with understanding why and putting the blame on myself.

All I could think of was what if I´d recognized the signs earlier or if only my boss would have let me have off for my appointment the month before instead of making me reschedule it or have my job in jeopardy. Maybe then, they would have caught the fact that I had the signs of an incompetent cervix.

But those thoughts weren´t getting me anywhere. It wasn´t until I accepted the fact that God was in control and as much as we were hurting, He was still right there with us, that He knew what He was doing and that if it wasn´t his will, it wouldn´t have happened in the first place. It wasn´t until then that I could finally accept the fact that our baby was in the best possible place that he could
be. He would never have to endure the pain and hardship of this world, but only experience the joy and happiness of being with Jesus in heaven. What better place than that!!!

Sometimes we struggle to see why God does or allows certain things to happen in our lives. It wasn´t until a few years later that I could see some of the why. David was due in August, yet I became pregnant with Riley that November. The chances of me trying or getting pregnant so soon after our firstborn would have been born, would probably have been pretty slim. 

God knew that we needed this firecracker of a little girl. She is my greatest little fan. Nothing like having her look up at me and saying, "You´re my best dirl, Mommy!" I love her so much and can´t imagine life without her. 

 I just want to thank April Curington, my pastor´s wife as well as one of my greatest friends, who was there with me even before Morgan was on that day. She got me to the hospital and stayed with me and experienced the birth of our tiny little son along with us. It was her daily calls or messages that also helped me through that time. She never pressured me about anything or about getting counseling, but was just a friend. She also kept the pictures from that day for a little over 4 years. Just holding on to them until we were ready. You can´t put a price or value on that.

I know some didn´t understand why we didn´t share or show them or that we didn´t want to be looking at them. At least she and Pastor were there every step of the way and it meant the world to us!

Being as it´s his 5th birthday, we´ve decided to share a few of his pictures with you all.



 Charity Swinson, Joy´s younger sister


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